I was in a car one day with my sister and one of her colleagues and we were gisting. Somehow somehow, my sister started talking about a story she heard on the radio the night before. A lady who works in a bank called the radio station  to ask for advice. She was in a relationship with a wannabe entrepreneur. Her boyfriend was having trouble getting a loan from banks so he asked her to get a 2 million naira loan in her name for him. She said she was apprehensive at first but she decided to do it because the love was that strong (insert sarcastic face emoji). After she collected the loan and handed the money to him (insert cringe face emoji), the guy started misbehaving; he stopped responding to calls or texts. She eventually found out from one of his friends that he had in fact gone to the village to marry another lady. At this point, she was sure that he used that 2 million naira to throw a lavish wedding for his bride. She called into the radio station to ask for advice because the deadline for the repayment of the loan was very close.

My sister said many people called into the radio station to insult her; to call her dumb, stupid, olodo and every other name in the book (we know how Nigerians like to insult). Even my sister and her colleague said the girl was not smart and she did not use her sense.  I did not participate in the name calling because I am 100% sure that the lady was under serious pressure to marry and that guy probably promised to marry her when he gets his finances settled or whatever wash Nigerian men use these days. Why are we surprised that women/ladies are doing a lot to get married & stay in abusive/toxic relationships/marriages when our society treats single women like lepers?

The pressure ladies face to marry in Nigeria is no joke at all; I know people who are going through this right now and it is not pretty. In Nigeria, if a woman is not married by a certain age, she is seen as broken, defective and incomplete. In some cases, people do not respect you at all unless you are married. I heard of a case where a man bashed a woman’s car and said that he was only going to talk with her husband; the lady in question was not married so he refused to discuss the terms of the settlement with her. Not many people can withstand that kind of societal pressure so many ladies would do anything just to get married. That lady’s story is not uncommon, the only difference is that she called a radio station to ask for advice.

I think single Nigerian women cannot win: if they are not married by a certain age then there is something wrong with them but if they decide to do whatever (including getting a loan for a man) to get married, then they are stupid. Nobody ever stops to consider that maybe, just maybe a single lady hasn’t met someone that is compatible with her. It is always the fault of the lady that she is unmarried, people always say “her standards are too high”. Of course her standards are high, I mean, if you’re planning on spending the rest of your very long life with someone, your standards should be high.

My advice to ladies is to take your time in finding a life partner because after you get married and the guy turns out to be a mess up, nobody will live that pain with you. Most of the people that were literally harassing you to get married would drop you like a hot potato and the most they will say “I will put you in your prayers”.

Single ladies out there, you are beautiful and you are complete and you deserve to be treated with respect because you are a human being. Regardless of your marital status, you deserve to be treated with basic human decency. Regardless of your marital status, no one should deny you your human rights.

Thank you for reading

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