So, I think hope you are probably going like “What?!?!” right now because of the title but I swear I have experienced this situation countless several times. Guys that I barely and I mean BARELY (yes, I’m screaming) know have asked me to be their girlfriend. I am still trying to understand the reasoning behind the action. I don’t understand how you can ask someone to be your girlfriend when you don’t even know their surname; you might have looked the person up on Facebook or whatever, but their Facebook name might be fake. It is just weird and creepy af. I moved to Turkey immediately after my gap year in Nigeria so I have only experienced this abroad but I’m curious to know if this happens at home as well. Apparently, this hasn’t just happened to me; it has happened to several African girls that I know in Turkey. I have a theory for why this happens abroad: I think the guys feel that since we are both African/Nigerian in a country with very few black people, so we should date. That is the only reason that I could come up with because it makes absolutely no f*****g sense at all for one to ask someone to be their girlfriend without first discovering if they are compatible.

The most recent “asking out” happened in Germany. I was returning back from Berlin one day and this Nigerian guy got on the train and sat opposite me. I usually listen to music on the train but that day, I was having a mild headache so I decided to stick with my thoughts. I wanted to fall asleep but I just can’t fall sleep on a train because I’m afraid of missing my stop (that has happened to me once). Back to the story, I was just looking out the window (I never get tired of the view even though I have seen it many times) and the guy sits opposite me. I said hello and continued looking out the window. After a few minutes, he initiated a conversation and we started talking. Mind you, this conversation was very shallow (it gave me no indication of his character) but entertaining. We continued talking until we reached Cottbus. We exchanged numbers and I went home. I usually don’t give my number to strangers but one of my new year’s resolutions was to be more friendly BUT this resolution has not worked out well for me at all so I am going to revert back to my unfriendly self.

I honestly forgot about him until he messaged me one day and I replied because I wanted to be polite but I guess when it comes to male-female relationships, politeness/friendliness is almost always mistaken for romantic interest that is why girls have Resting Bitch Face (it’s a survival tactic). He used to message me once in a while and the messages were just ‘hi’, ‘hello’, ‘how is it going?’ kind of messages; There was no deep, profound conversation happening.  A few days later, this guy is telling me he wants me to be his girlfriend (insert confused face emoji), where is this coming from? Dude, I don’t even know or like you like that. Turns out after we spoke, he looked me up on Facebook, is attracted to me and now he wants to date me (I don’t think I’m communicating how batshit the situation is). This dude wants to be in a relationship with me based on ONLY my physical appearance. This made think/realise that the guy just wanted a physical relationship and nothing more; like an “acquaintances with benefits” kind of situation (I said ‘acquaintances’ because we were not even friends) and I am simply not interested in that at all.

Now, I would be the first one to tell anyone that physical attraction is very important in a relationship but a functional relationship cannot be based on that alone. The funny thing is many of these guys post memes on Facebook to denigrate women/girls that date guys ONLY for money but you have no problem wanting to date a girl/woman ONLY for her physical appearance (hypocrisy much).

When guys do things like this, it creeps me out (gives me stalker vibes). Now, I am hesitant to meet up with him when he asked because I know his motives. At least this guy left me alone when I told him I wasn’t interested. In a previous situation with another guy, I had to block him on all Social Media and WhatsApp because the dude did not understand “NO”. I think he thought I was playing hard to get or whatever but I just wasn’t interested in him like that.

To all the guys out there who are truly interested in a functional romantic relationship with a girl and not just trying to smash, give a girl time to know and possibly like you before you ask her to be your girlfriend. PSA, a girl may not/ doesn’t have to like you even after getting to knowing you. If you ask her out and she turns you down, please leave her alone and move on. Disturbing her and killing her phone by continuously calling her is not going to make her change her mind; it might get you blocked.

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