I’m sure everyone has seen one or two memes that encourage women to stay with guys who are not quite financially stable. “Hold your guy down” memes are quite popular on social media; they get tonnes of likes and shares. Because I can’t seem to shut my feminist brain down, I’ve noticed that 99.9999% of gold-digger shaming memes only shame women. So are the creators of those memes ignoring the existence male gold-diggers or are they just sexist like that???. I’m not interested in shaming gold-diggers of any sex but I want to destroy the myth that only women are gold-diggers. FYI, I know the term gold-digger was originally used only for women (some dictionaries still do this) while fortune-hunter was used for men (Downton Abbey fangirl alert) but nowadays, gold-digger can be used for any sex.
According to Merriam-Webster, a gold-digger is a person whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits but nowadays, any person woman who isn’t interested in staying with a guy who is struggling financially is termed a gold-digger. I don’t know what is so wrong with a woman wanting her man to have some kind of financial stability. I know there are women who date/marry guys JUST for money but I know women who have been called gold-diggers just because they won’t date a guy that doesn’t have a job or car. I don’t know why a woman has to suffer to prove that she loves a man. Must I enter Keke or Along with a guy before he believes I love him?
Abuja’s public transport system is one of my primary motivations for working hard in school; I study hard so I can get a good job and own a good car. Whenever I don’t feel like studying for a test/exam, I just remember my very terrible experiences in public transportation and I find the will to study. I believe “ride or die” relationships can work in countries with good infrastructure and good public transport systems but in Nigeria, when you haven’t had electricity for 4 days and can’t afford to buy petrol because the price has been hiked again so all the food in your refrigerator and freezer goes rancid, you’ll tell me how well your “ride or die” works.
No matter how many memes I see or church sermons I hear encouraging women to stick with a guy who hasn’t actualised his “potential” yet, I am NOT doing (Lie Lie). I will not date/marry a broke guy; to hell with love and potential. I will not be a martyr for love. I want to live a comfortable life and if that makes me a gold-digger then heck, I’m a gold-digger: I’ll gladly wear the T-shirt. If anyone sees me “holding down” a struggling guy, please take me to MFM for deliverance because there is definitely a calabash buried somewhere with my name on it (they don jazz me). I know someone is probably saying “So, love is not important to you?”. Well, I believe love is important but I also believe financial stability is the sunshine to the photosynthetic plant that is love. Photosynthetic plants need sunshine to grow and survive (I just had to get nerdy with it).
Now, I’m not advocating that women collect money from their boyfriends, in fact, I would say that I am staunchly against it. I’m against it because men already feel entitled to women’s body, space and time and I know collecting money from them increases that sense of entitlement. But if the plan is to marry and build a family with someone, what is so wrong with wanting to do that with someone that can afford to pay Abuja school fees??